3.3.2010

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”
-Neil Gaiman

When you're used to something. Whether it be a person, or someTHING, after a while it can become a sort of... addiction. &not everything, but it's not surprising that when you're used to something daily, and you have to be forced to go without it until ... who knows when ... it's fucked up. When you love something or love someone, and it is taken away from you, or you have to let it go, it's fucked up. Annoying as fuck, because more times than not it's not what you WANT to do... & i don't know about anyone else, but i like doing what i want to do. . . Sometimes, you have to do what you need to do though, i guess. (?!)

'When Words Fail, Music Speaks.'

I'm so glad i have that tattooed on me, that quote still means so much to me. <3.>

post.script. "If it makes you feel better, go ahead and make me feel small. I know what you're up to bby, build that wall. You think you've seen it all and life has no surprises until you call out my name and in return all you get is silence."_MollyCool

MotherFucker, I'm Gone!

I got ice in my veins, blood in my eyes
Hate in my heart, love in my mind
I seen nights full of pain, days are the same
You keep the sunshine, save me the rain
I search but never find, hurt but never cry
I work and forever try, but I’m cursed, so never mind
And it’s worse, but better times seem further and beyond
The top gets higher the more that I climb
The spot gets smaller, and I get bigger
Tryna get into where I fit in, no room for a nigga
But soon for a nigga it be on, mu’fucka
‘Cause all the bullshit just made me strong, mu’fucka

So I pick the world up and I’ma drop it on your fuckin’ head
Bitch, I’ma pick the world up and I’ma drop it on your fuckin’ head
And I could die now, Rebirth motherfucker
Hop up in my spaceship and leave Earth, motherfucker
I’m gone
Motherfucker, I’m gone

I know what they don’t wanna tell you
Just hope you’re HEaven-sent, and you’re hell-proof
I-I walk up in the world and cut the lights off
And confidence is a stain they can’t wipe off
My word is my pride
But wisdom is bleak, and that’s a word from the wise
Served to survive, murdered and bribed
And when it got too heavy I put my burdens aside

So I could pick the world up and I’ma drop it on your fuckin’ head
Bitch, I’ma pick the world up and I’ma drop it on your fuckin’ head
And I could die now, Rebirth motherfucker
Hop up in my spaceship and leave Earth, motherfucker
I’m gone
Motherfucker, I’m gone (I’m gone)

It hurts, but I never show this pain you’ll never know
If only you could see just how lonely and how cold
And frostbit I’ve become, my back’s against the wall
When push come to shove, I just stand up and scream “F*ck ‘em all”
Man, it feels like these walls are closing in
This roof is caving in, up its time to razor-thin
Your days are numbered like pagers and
My book of rhymes, got ‘em cookin’, boy
This crooked mind of mine got ‘em all
Shook and scared to look in my eyes
I stole that f*ckin’ clock
I took the time and I
Came up from behind
And pretty much snuck up
And butt-fucked this game up
Better be careful when you bring my name up
Fuck this fame, that ain’t what
I came to claim but the game
Ain’t gonna be the same on the day that I leave it
But I swear one way or another I’ma make these fuckin’ haters believe that
I swear to God, won’t spare the rod
I’m a man of my word, so your fuckin’ heads better nod
Or I’ma fuck around in this bitch and roast everybody
Sleep on me, that pillow is where your head’ll lie
Permanently, bitch, it’s beddy-bye
This world is my Easter egg, yeah, prepare to die
My head is swole, my confidence is up
This stage is my pedestal
I’m unstoppable, incredible hulk
You’re trapped in my medicine ball
I could run circles around you so fast your f*ckin’ head’ll spin, dog
I split your cabbage and your lettuce and olives
I’ll fuckin’

Pick the world up and I’ma drop it on your fuckin’ head
Bitch, I’ma pick the world up and I’ma drop it on your fuckin’ head
And I could die now, Rebirth motherfucker
Hop up in my spaceship and leave Earth, motherfucker
I’m gone
Motherfucker, I’m gone (I’m gone)

TwentyTen.

Do You See What I See?

6.14.o9

There are two sides to every story. . .

I've learned quite a bit these last few days, all of which I know i'll take with me as I move on from this all.

Strength will get me through =]...

See You Later - K.P.

Definitely won't be down for long.

Listen…

Can’t count on you most of all when I really need it
It’s the simple things that you do, really hurt my feelings
The more I try, the more I’m starting to see it
This can’t work anymore than you believe it

Goodbye may come as a shock
Even though I love you a lot
I’ve given every breath I’ve got
Sometimes you gotta break down and breathe

And how many times I gave my heart
To how many times we fell apart
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me

And how many times I gave you me
Divided by so many memories
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me

Listen…

I just don’t know what the problem is, what the deal is
Was I there too much, did I move too fast, I couldn’t see it?
All these promises are probably how you deal with it
I’m tired of hearing you say your innocent

Don’t think I forgot
Because I really didn’t
If you’re lying a lot
I’ve given every breath I’ve got
Sometimes you gotta break down and breathe

And how many times I gave my heart
To how many times we fell apart
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me

And how many times I gave you me
Divided by so many memories
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me

We all make mistakes
Sometimes we do desperate things
What does it prove? NOTHING
And you never do nothing wrong

Then what took you so long, took you so long ?
Cuz I keep, keep hanging on, keep, keep hanging on

And how many times I gave my heart
To how many times we fell apart
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me

And how many times I gave you me
Divided by so many memories
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me

So don’t promise me
So don’t promise me

Leave Me, Leave Me

I CAN'T FUCKING STAND YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

6.8.o9

It's getting harder&harder to fall asleep, to listen to music, to find a peace of mind. . .

With that being said, lately I find myself more quiet than i've ever been before. I spend a lot of time thinking about everything, EVERYTHING, & wayy less time talking about anything. I hope that this is just a phase, because the last thing I think I want is to be more disconnected than I already am. . . I guess 'it be like that sometimes' when you lose important people, or your mind, for that matter, ha!
In a matter of days, I went from being able to speak my mind, at all times to just not even wasting my time because i'm just not up for letting anyone in or giving anyone that opportunity to do me in again.

And I've made myself a promise never to make the same mistake again.

whomp,whomp,whomp.

6.7.o9

This is about love,
freedom,
aloneness,
& understanding it.
This is about being responsible,
mature.

I'm emotional, Your emotional
Could be why we always argue our
Conversations short we can't talk enough
Just become much to difficult
I Don't know what to do
I Don't know what to prove
This is more than me
And so much more than you
Can we make it through said you and I
I can't decide

I just can't decide
If it's you i want
Do I wanna to choose between Having you in my life
Or losing you for real
Because i caught feelings (Are we falling in love with our feelings)
Feelings
Because I caught feelings (yeah)
(Because we're acting like we're really here. We're not here.)
Feelings (I'm not afraid of the pain)

I'm a stubborn girl
Your a stubborn guy
Could be why we fight all the time
If It's not your way
Then It must be mine
Can't communicate
Can't even compromise
I Don't know what to do
I Don't know what to prove
This is more than me
And so much more than you
Can we make it through
You and I
I can't decide

i just can't decide
If it's you I trust
Do I wanna choose between having you in my life,
Or telling you goodbye because I caught feelings.
Feelings
(It's almost unreal)
I must look like an enemy to you, it's cool. We have to die a little bit, you know?

I just can't pretend
That you're just a friend
We took it further
Passion still remains
So here we are again
Because we caught feelings
Feelings.

(I loved experiencing you, all of this. The ups, the downs.)
I can't even believe we're here after all we've been through.

6.3.o9

Moving back to LA for good.

=_=.

to be cont'd. . .