1.8.o9

OH, is this the hat that you're talking about?

I don't even know where it is, someone took it.

I miss my family.

1.7.o9 [pt.2]

Emergency Room - Rihanna ft Ray L.

1.7.o9

"Morning. You are amazing. Your presence makes a difference in this world, thank you. Dont disrespect your greatness with stress or worry. Celebrate ur smile."

-Mister.

I love him & I love waking up to his inspirational words of wisdom :].

1.6.o9

& every time I think I've planted my feet on the ground & finally have some stability, i'm reminded that i'm not in control of shit!

1.4.o9 [pt. 2]

Just want you to know i'm taking care of your shorts, :].

LaLala.

T-shirt & my panties on. 

BuenosNoches.

1.4.o9

&iQuote;;

"Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down." -Anon.

-I don't know how I feel about that. . . or sometimes you put walls up to just not get hurt. 

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel" -Maya Angelou.

-I concur.

"You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel." -Anon.

-I concur.

[[now back to my pensive life.]]

1.3.o9 [pt.3]

HaHa

I found the

1.3.o9 [pt.2]

dfjas;ldkfja;lsdjfakjhfaksdjhflaksdjfasdkjf;alskdjf;alsdkjf;asdjhfa;dsjf;alsdjf!

Welcome to My Madness!

SO, I was reading my NFC's blog (precious), and she had a slideshow of old pictures and whatnot, and I saw all these old pictures that made me be like 'aww,' & before I knew it I was sitting here sad, thinking about the past. Thinking about what was, and what is not, & then, I got mad. . . at myself. I realized that i'm sick and tired of living in the past, so I AIM'd precious and told her that, and as I was/am AIMing her, i'm just still coming up with all this random stuff.

Everyday I think about the past. Look at old pictures, read old shit. . . that's just it it's all OLD. OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD!!! WHO GIVES A FUCK?!

I'm tired of being sad, it's literally exhausting, and it's become so damn routine. Who really cares? We're still IN the past as much as we say we're not. Every time we sit and write about it, reflect on it, we're still living that same old bull shit. It's the past for a reason. I'm starting to think it's just all a cop out. As long as I sit and think about what was and what isn't, I have no chance to get to what will be. 

Then Precious said: "Just live things you've already lived?"

& i feel like. . . well yeah. People will come & go in our lives. We have to just keep going. So shit didn't go our way. . . IT happens & it's going to keep happening, but people get scared, maybe subconciously, or just tired of the old, and sit and dwell instead of moving on. Maybe it's easier to be stuck that it is to try again. You get your heart broken a few times, and then you sit around for months//years thinking about the past. . . ALL THE TIME, and we get scared to try again. . . but it's like either you can be scared, or honestly LEARN & MOVE THE FUCK ON.

Then Precious said: "But, I'm not interested in what wiillll be. & that's the sad part."

And neither am I. BUT, I'm REALLY sick of what was. & i'm more sick of the past than not interested in what will be. It's 1 thing to sit and waste time being bored/content/just live than to waste time thinking about the past & that's what a lot of people do. 

Precious: "It's inevitable to have the past disappear though.. Who's gonna not think about it? It's all just about balance.. About whaat role the past is allowed to play."

DING DING DING!

The past is overpowering the present & future right about now. Unless our lives are GREAT, then we're constantly thinking about what WAS great. . . because that's easier.

So, we must find the balance. 

I must find the fckn balance.

1.3.o9

I had the most sleepless ass night ever, I've been having these whack ass 2 hour ass naps & EVERY 2 fckn hours i wake up, check my phone, respond to my AIMs (why are people up every 2 hours anyway? 2am.4am.6am.) & watch some tv till i wander back into some disturbed ass sleep. Then I have these weird ass dreams that are so realistic. . . 

So yesterday, I realized that I like to listen to other peoples situations & help other people out so much because it distracts me form everything going on in my own life. I've realized that I just don't really like dealing with my own reality, because i've gotten so used to not dealing with it, just flowing with it. So now that I have to deal with it i'm like . . . procrastinating. . . or just trying to find any way possible to just NOT have to talk about anything that has to do with me in depth, & recently that's just not gonna fly anymore. My friends aren't allowing that to go down, and I think it may turn out to be a good thing. I just really don't know where to begin. I don't know what to say. There's so much to say i don't know WHERE to even think about beginning. 

'I believe everything happens for a reason;

People change so they can learn to let go;

Things go wrong so you can appreciate them when they're right'

You believe lies so u eventually learn to trust nobody but yourself;

& sometimes, good things fall apart so better things can fall together.'

-Marilyn Monroe

I want to get to that point. . .

To where I can read that & be like, yeup! This ALL happened for a reason. These people changed, so i could learn how to let them go. . . etc. . .  My problem is, how many things are going to happen? How many people are going to change? How much is going to go wrong? & how many lies do you have to believe before all this becomes true? 

LaLaLa

1.2.o9 [pt.2]

... a friend sent this to me, & i felt it was very useful advice that people often forget.

"Nothing worth having is easy to get." -Rosario L.