3.31.o9

I just feel like things aren't supposed to be like this, it's weird.

3.3o.o9

www.twitter.com/iitsbianca.

All these different ways to 'stay connected'. smh.

Hands down

i'm too proud for love. 

- lykke li

*puts hands down

Oh, & u can add

But u was my angel, Seems like ya wings grew
Unaware you was outta state doin ya thing to
Sayin to my self u deceiving
You r the reason that I don't believe in finding the love that I need

oooops, did i let that slip? 

ha!

Get over it.

Cuz drizzy drake said so.

3.29.o9 pt.2

I have a lot to say lately.

The craziest thing that my mind can't seem to grasp is just how WRONG you can be about someone. It's like having all these signs in your face, like directions to somewhere, and you get there, and that's not where you were trying to go at all. Does that make sense?

Like I thought I knew someone, and they played the role perfectly, and they're not who I thought they were, AT ALL. I feel dumb, and that's what I was most curious about, if I could have read someone so wrong. Sometimes people are like con artists, they just play you and make you believe that they are who they are NOT, that's cute.

->I'm so uptown, mutha fucka look for wayne, don't go uptown!!!<-

Completely sidetracked, and happy about it. 

it's ok it's ok it's ok it's ok it's ok it's ok

you can run and tell my city 

i'm on, i'm on, i'm on, i'm on, i'm on, i'm on

best believe i understand. . .

i'm gone. =]

3.29.o9

'that old me's dead&gone, but  the new me'll be alright.'

work in progress. . .

3.28.o9

I wish my mouth could say or my fingers could type what my head is thinking, that'd be great. . . but it never seems to happen. 

it is what it is.

not.

Random Post,fckthedate.

Black people for real never know how to act. Me and Brodii both experienced some black people bull shit tonight. Shootin and shit.  .  . go get a life!

UGH.

ANYWAYS, going mimiz. I wish my friends could be more happy for me, but that's why I have those three and that's it. Sigh*** i love them.

Gnite. lol.

3.27.o9

Call me a Swagger-Jacker. 

Call me Miss Understood.

Call me quiet.

Call me crazy.

Call me weird.

Call me Bianca.

Don't call me at all.

I don't know.

I don't care.

Tell me I do too much.

Tell me I don't do enough.

Tell me you love me.

Tell me you don't care.

Don't tell me anything at all.

I don't know.

I don't care.

I don't give a fuck.

But i'd give my all.

I don't know. 

I don't care. 

Run away with me.

Stay here with me.

Cry with me.

Hold me.

Let Go.

I don't know.

I wish I know.

I care . . .

I wish i didn't. 

I actually don't know at all. HaHa. 

I don't know what i'm talking about & I don't care.

You read it.

Oh well.

=].

iLmyBrody!

3.26.o9

Let me start off by saying:: I can't eat cheese anymore.

I was making a baked potato, and I grabbed the cheese and thought back to when I was a kid, and I remembered that I used to be able to eat cheese, just . like . that. So I tried it, and that ish was gross! I wonder when I crossed over. . . LoL, random, anyways.

yesterday I had this conversation with my nfc'er, and she helped me re- remember what having this blog was all about. My comments are disabled, I don't tell people to read this or anything, I just have it to write out whatever I want, and. . . that's about it. So here goes, all over again.

I was talking to my mom today, and she was giving me 'advice' or just bickering about something that I should have done her way, and things would have turned out differently, or better, and I had to explain to her that i'm getting older, and all that has to stop at some point. I appreciate it, and all the guidance she provides is great, but that's all it is is guidance. No where did I sign a paper saying that I was going to take my moms, or anyones words of wisdom as law, and apply them to my own life. With that being said, I started to think about a few of the situations i'm in, and have been in, and what I have learned from them because, 'for everything you encounter there is a lesson learned,' and for once I can actually pin point where I've went wrong, and things that I don't need to do, and i value experiences so much more because they're actually starting to mold me into a 'better' person (for me), and I can SEE it. 

Lately i've stopped communicating with a lot of people, and by communicating I just mean i've stopped telling people my damn business, because there is no need for all of that. Everyone goes through different situations, and more and more i'm starting to see that there are probably 3 people in this world whose word means something more to me than just . . . words. I trust their opinions and advice not only because they are looking out for me, but because they don't tell me what I want to hear and I am 100% sure that they understand what i'm talking about and have some grounds to speak on. I'm pretty self-reliant as far as the decisions I make, and i'm becoming more and more self-reliant as the days go by, but there are certain situations and certain things that I just don't know how to deal with, or I know how to deal with them, but I just need to be sure that i'm going about it the right way, and that is where those people come in handy. 

NFC'er gave me a quote, and I googled it like I do everything, and fell in love with Paulo Coelho. Here are a few of his quotes that got me thinking:

"We have to stop and be humble enough to understand that there is something called mystery."

For a while I found myself asking the question 'why' a lot. I wanted to know WHY things were happening the way they were and WHY this and WHY that, till I realized that we don't always need to know why. . . 

"When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny."

uhm, yeah!

"Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering."

Now if that isn't the TRUTH. . .

"The two worst strategic mistakes to make are acting prematurely and letting an opportunity slip; to avoid this, the warrior treats each situation as if it were unique and never resorts to formulae, recipes or other people's opinions."

Sticks foot in mouth*

There are a lot more that touched me, but what's weird is that as I read each of them, I thought about or related it back to 1 thing. . . *shakes head. 

I'm in this situation, and i'm stuck. . . so i'm going with the decision that i've known all along, and ironically enough, those 3 people agree with me, so that's what i'm gonna do, and all I can do is uhm. . . hope for the best?

it is what it is tho. . . =].

ily nfc'er.

PostScript: i'll be so happy when saturday rolls around, <3.

3.25.o9 pt.2

"to appreciate all the good, sometimes you gotta fall. . ."

yeah, and smart ol' Bianca tripped and fell in love all over again. oh JOY. 

muHahaHa. gnite.

3.25.o9

It's been a while. . .I don't know why I started blogging again, because I never fail to get too lazy to type what I want to say, because I always have so much that I want to say. 

Recently, i've found myself saying more than often that Life Is Happening. . . It's happening with or without me, I can either get on board and do something, or sit around as time passes me by, so that's where i'm at now.

"Life is a grindstone. Whether it grinds us down or polishes us up depends on us." -Thomas L. Holdcroft.

I just wrote a whole bunch of stuff. . . and deleted it all. There's something about talking to the internet world that boggles my mind. Ha. All this damn technology: blogs, twitter, facebook, myspace, AIM, MSN etc. . . i'm way too available to the world, and for some reason I used to feel like I was missing out if I didn't have a way of communicating with everyone at all times, but every day i become less and less enthused with it all. 

Woke up to an AIM from my diary that made me smile, and it touched my 'liddo heart.' 

I've had this new mind frame that has made me distant to people because I kinda just like I was no longer needed in their life, and I accepted and respected that, BUT my diary made me take a step back and kind of re-think that. . . i love her, much!!!