1.3o.o9

I read these ol dumbass quotes a few days ago and I was really into them. I thought 'That's SO true," but now, not so much.

"Defeat may test you; it need not stop you. If at first you don't succeed, try another way. For every obstacle there is a solution. Nothing in the world can take teh place of persistence. The greatest mistake is giving up."

"Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent."

The KEY word is OFTEN. 

Oh & this shit::

"When I'm tempted to do something that feels like giving up, I won't... because love doesn't  give up (1 corinthians, 13). But, lest I push love aside, I will make sure that what I'm holding on to can coexist with love."

Isn't that cute?!

OH GAG ME. Sometimes, giving up is exactly what you need to do. Maybe it's not giving up so much as letting go and saying who cares, or maybe that's just the same thing as giving up in a more sugar coated and watered down form. I'm being quite the pessimist if I do say so myself. In one of those 'the glass is half empty... & i'm thirsty, so i just drank that, so now the damn glass ain't got shit in it' moods, & idgaf.

I should be going to LA today, but my pride won't let me ask for help & i'm fine with that. I'm just mad that i'm still here. 

1.29.o9

Overwhelmed.

& there's no beginning & there is no end. . . near.

"There is a sacredness in  tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love." -Washington Irving.

1.28.o9

Hol' on;;

With that distain in my membrane,

FUCK THE WORLD, my defense came.

If you can't explain that your whole perspective is whack,

maybe you'll love me when I fade to black.

.enog os

 

1.25.o9 [pt.2]

I hope no one that reads my blog reads the NFC'erz too, cuz you'll see similarities.

ANYWAY, Rainer Maria Rilke & I would have not gotten along. 

"Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them & the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, & live along some distant day into the answer."

Wellp, Maria i'm too pensive for that. I like asking questions, and if no one knows the answer, then that's fine, but if someone does know the answer, then I want to know what it is. & the irony of it all is that i always get my answers. ;]. Whether it's a yes or a no, there is always an answer or an opinion.

So, i'm gonna live & continue to ask questions, and live into the answers and all that jazzy stuff cuz like the nfc'er said, "What the FUCK is patience, when my heart is racing?"

LaLaLa, ciao. 

1.25.o9

"To appreciate beauty [life], to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived."

mhm.

1.19.o9 [pt.3]

"Sometimes your biggest disappointments come from your so called friends." George W. Bush.

-stolenfromstacii, however.

1.19.o9

MLK Day.

1.18.o9

'Did I ever tell you about how you fell asleep in my presence?  & your mere essence kept me awake for hours, As I cowered with this feeling of sexually unadulterated mental connection?

& while we probably move too quickly into some sexual stuff,

I've always cared more about the explicitly illicitness that came from between your lips. . .

meaning your voice. 

So now I am standing here ready to trade in all the sexual acts that we've performed for the chance to reform the very foundation & the basis of our relationship. & I reiterate my opening statement & I offer you another penny for your thoughts.'

OyVey.

1.15.o9

"Violence only begets Violence."

When will people open their eyes?

1.13.o9

1.13.o9

I'm in love, ew. What a stupid scary situation to be in, ay?

On another note. I'm leaving for DC in 2 days. 

:] couldn't be more happy.

1.12.o9

"As of today, I have absolutely no regrets. I think I am a mature person who can take things in stride. I'm grateful for people in my past. They helped me get to where I am, wherever that is." 

-Marilyn Monroe

1.11.o9

1.1o.o9

One thing about me;;

I like to be able to get up&go. I love traveling so sometimes i'll just feel like getting up . . . & leaving. I don't think that i'm running away from anything, i've just always been that way. When I was younger, my mom would wake me up at like 2am and we'd just drive to Newport Beach, get a hotel, & chill. Maybe she was running from something? or maybe she just got tired of being in the same place.. doing the same shit? day in. . . & day out? 

Whatever, ANYWAYS roaming thru my NFC's blog, & came across something that made me smile. Actually, her whole most recent post made me smile because it was really ironic that I had been talking about that all day. About time, and getting to the next spot without thinking about 'the bigger picture.' &  besides that, the whole issue of Love.

"I've also come to that conclusion that sometimes it's best, maybe just for the moment, that I love some people from a distance.. 'Cause in all honesty, I love you too much.. Promisee.. "& it's so hard to hear myself say 'go away' instead of 'baby, please stay just one more day.." "-All stolen from her blog. 

I always thought that I was 'scared' to love because I just know that I love 'hard,' & that is always more of a bad thing than a good thing for me. Loving someone from a distance. . . that's another way to look at it. 

Yeah idk. . . i'm ready to get up & go. . . off to fresno.

1.9.o9 [pt.3]

1.9.o9 [pt.2]

i DEFINITELY fucked up the words. . . mah bad, shawty.

1.8.o9 [pt.2] // 1.9.o9

It's 11:o6pm. That's what time i'm starting this post. I wonder how many times my mind will go astray before I get out whatever I want to say in this blog. 

I've been in stupid ass situations recently, and things that used to really [hurt] me before are only starting to irritate me. Things that used to make me feel really bad don't anymore, they just make me so annoyed.

"If someone can't see well, you can only offer them glasses so many times & get denied before you give up. If they don't want them... there's nothing more you can do about it."

Pretty much. . . You can only offer so much help before you yourself get tired of being rejected & sometimes, it's best to let them just guide themselves without your help. 

Today, my bestii learned some things about me that he didn't know before. Like i'm not really just some spoiled ass little girl from LA that just gets what she wants (or doesn't want at times). I like when people get to know more about me than they didn't know before, & I like proving people wrong. It's funny how much people judge a book by it's cover, & what's funnier, is people who say that they don't judge, but everyone passes judgement, whether it be good or bad, when you see someone you have a thought about them, of some sort. When I was telling him about myself, it was funny because he said, "Why haven't you ever mentioned this before?" &I thought about it, & I realized a lot of people don't know a lot about me, they know what I want them to know. The more someone knows about you, & the more you let them in, the easier it is for them to take advantage of you. I used to think that I trusted people wayy too much, but today I realized that I really don't. I tell people a lot about the stuff going on that is just not personal, but when it comes to things about ME, i'm really skeptical about who I open up to. 

Another thing I learned about myself is that I am not as bad at conversing with others as I thought I was. I used to have a REALLY big problem with telling people how I feel, & now it's become either 1 extreme or the other. I can't get enough of telling some people how i feel... about everything. LoL. &now, the tables have turned, &people can't get enough of not wanting to be real & tell me how they feel. When I was younger &had that problem, I don't think it was because I had my 'guard' up or anything, I just really cared a lot about what others thought. . . 

LMFAO;;

I must have A.D.D along with my rapidly increasing OCD. . . sigh* lol. . .my mind went somewhere else COMPLETELY. muhaha. It began wandering, & ended in my college folder of my iPhoto. . . enjoy::

[please excuse the shit that i used to wear, LMFAO]

it's 12:29am;; I'M DONE!

p.s. Notice how i strayed from anything that had to do with what was going on in my mind & shit. smh.